


It Doesn't Matter Anymore

by Kaufmann



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan, The Trials of Apollo - Rick Riordan
Genre: Abandonment, Book 3: The Burning Maze (Trials of Apollo), Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Child Abandonment, Childhood Trauma, Depressed Jason Grace, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jason Grace Needs a Hug, Jason Grace is a Good Friend, Nico di Angelo & Jason Grace Friendship, Past Child Abuse, Past Jason Grace/Piper McLean, Sad Jason Grace, Suicidal Thoughts, The Burning Maze (Trials of Apollo) Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:55:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27603125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaufmann/pseuds/Kaufmann
Summary: Jason knows that only him can save them from this situation. He will do whatever it takes.OrWhile accumulating enough energy from his powers to free himself and Meg from the wind prisons, Jason reflects on his past relationship with Piper, his fucked up childhood, and his not-so-healthy thoughts.
Relationships: Jason Grace & Thalia Grace, Jason Grace & The Seven, Nico di Angelo & Jason Grace
Comments: 6
Kudos: 45





	It Doesn't Matter Anymore

Jason closed his eyes, focusing on the cloud of energy at his core that represented his powers, trying to channel as much energy as possible.

It had been just a few times in his life that Jason had accumulated so much energy. In battle on Mount Othrys, when he and Percy made that big storm, and a few times after that. He knew he was capable of much more than he had ever done with his powers, he felt his powers pulsating, willing to be exploited, but he’d never wanted to go far ahead than already empty, afraid of hurting someone or causing a catastrophe like many other children of the big three.

He was afraid of what he might do if he used his potential full powers, such as when he was seven years old and seriously injured two older demigods who were bullying him at Camp Jupiter when he became angry and afraid of them, summoning lightning for the first time. Jason still remembered watching the boys scream in pain and promised himself never to exploit his powers beyond what he already knew, such as flying and summoning rays.

He had not done so well in this, there were situations that his powers were activated by his emotions, as in the war on Mount Othrys, he had summoned a storm because of all the adrenaline and all the strong emotions he was feeling, but he never instigated his powers on purpose. He didn't want to be powerful, he just wanted to be Jason, an insignificant kid, a kid where people didn't put high expectations, a kid who could be himself.

But this time Jason had to do something, he was the only one who could save them. Apollo and Piper were trapped in the center of the room by Caligula and Medea, and Meg was trapped in a wind prison, just like Jason. No one else could get them out of this, so Jason was in a relaxed posture, concentrating on his powers while the shrapnel of heavenly bronze and imperial gold spin like a blender around him, hitting him repeatedly, making numerous cuts of varying sizes across his body, tearing his clothes and causing him to bleed. Meg didn't look much better and struggled angrily in her tornado, she was also full of cuts, blood dripping from all sides.

Jason thinks of the prophecy given to him so long before, how he or Piper would die if they helped Apollo, and from the second he heard it, Jason knew it would be him, because he couldn't let Piper die, even if she’d left him devastated when she broke up with him.

Honestly, Jason didn't know how to handle their breakup. He understood why Piper had ended up with him, this relationship began with false memories about Jason placed in Piper's head, and he felt compelled to do everything to compare himself to Jason from Piper's memories, the Jason Piper really loved, not him.

Piper loved a different version of Jason, which wasn't him, and it made him feel sad because he liked Piper, maybe didn't love her, but he knew he could get there one day, Piper was amazing.

But their relationship was over, and when Jason asked Chiron for help in selecting a boarding school for him, Jason wanted to give Piper some space and focus on his life for the first time, without the expectations of others pressuring him.

Jason felt more relieved that he was no longer dating Piper, he felt stressed and pressured with her, even though he only realized it after they separated, and he went to boarding school.

But Piper and Jason were still friends and Jason still liked her very much, but not in the same way as before, his feelings for Piper were now the same as he felt for Reyna, he considered them sisters. Maybe he was so committed to being what Piper wanted him to be, that confused his feelings as they developed.

But it didn't matter anymore, because he'd die tonight and he was fine with it, he settled for its weeks ago, and everything was fine. He never told anyone because he didn't feel he need. Because they would try to stop him if they knew, and Jason couldn't let that happen, Piper couldn't die, and he wouldn't mind taking her place.

* * *

Jason could not hear what was being said off of his wind prison, and he didn't want to break his concentration, but when he took a peek, he saw Apollo spike an arrow in his chest, which made a sense of panic begin to expand on his chest until he realized that Medea was kneeling beside Apollo, trying to heal him frantically, and that's when Jason felt that the force of the wind tornado had weakened, the debris spinning slower and the _ventus_ trying to escape Medea's control.

Jason turned his head to Meg, who looked terrified at Apollo. Jason was also scared by what Apollo had done, but he couldn't think of it now. Apollo had bought him time and he was going to use it.

Finally, Meg looked at Jason, and he moved his lips, saying _'Get ready'_. She nodded and Jason closed his eyes again, breathing deep. He has again reached the pulsating energy core and eager to get out within himself. He could do that, he was the only hope. _'Come on, Jason, you can do it'_.

He pulled out and opened his arms, expelling as much as he could, actively thinking _'Don't hit Apollo and Piper, don't hurt Meg, come on, let's go'_.

The ventus prisons exploded and Jason managed to divert the explosion to the ceiling, sideways and down. His body pulsed with energy and he felt more powerful than ever, but he didn't care about it, the only thought in his mind was _'I have to protect Apollo, Piper and Meg and give them time to thinking on a plan to escape'_.

He emerged from the shadows with the _gladius_ in one hand and set off on Caligula.

* * *

Jason was losing. He didn`t know how long he could hold this fight and was at a disadvantage fighting from the ground with Caligula on his horse. An arrow hit Jason in the thigh, and he grunted, but continued fighting, eventually finding the strength to call Tempest, who emerged almost immediately.

The fight against Caligula was in a fog and Jason depended entirely on his instincts, his mind a mess of random thoughts as his movements began to slow down, the exhaustion of his powers taking over him, his head heavy.

In one last thought, Jason turned to Apollo, who was still kneeling on the floor wide-eyed and watery, Piper by his side with purple lips, who would surely need stitches. He didn't see Meg anywhere, but he hoped she was okay, and that Jason didn't hurt her with his powers. He wouldn't forgive himself if that were the case.

Jason stared At Apollo in the eye, wincing when other arrows hit him.

“GO! Remember!” He shouted at Apollo, who wide his eyes in despair and shook his head, Piper freaking out beside him.

Jason held his gaze for a while longer to make sure that the message had been absorbed when he felt an incandescent pain.

Looking down, Jason saw the tip of Caligula's sword protruding from his body. He tried to guess what area of his body the sword was, remembering the anatomy and first aid classes at Camp Jupiter, but his thoughts were confused, and he fell upon Tempest when the sword was removed.

He managed to whisper with a hoarse voice to Tempest so that he would take Apollo and Piper to safety while his eyes became heavy and he slipped off his horse.

Everything went black. He didn't even feel the impact of hitting the ground. 

* * *

Everything was a fog of pain, but Jason could hear muffled screams and explosions from time to time, but he couldn't identify where they were coming from.

His consciousness was fluctuating, and Jason wondered if it took so long to die. He always thought it would be quicker to die. Like a gunshot wound to the head, quick and painless. The bullet flies so fast into your brain that you don't even feel pain before you die. Jason thought death was like this, fast, but of course even dying he couldn't do right.

Jason didn't know how to feel these thoughts. They were so common and routine that they were part of him. He knew it wasn't healthy to think about his own death so deeply. It wasn't like he was planning to kill himself. It was just that the opportunity came, and he took it.

No one would know. No one would ever think that the real reason Jason didn't tell anyone about the prophecy was because he didn't want them to _protect_ him, he didn't want them to _stop_ him.

Of course, Jason didn't tell anyone because of Piper either. He didn't want her to die, she was his best friend and Mr. McLean didn't deserve any more loss and stress. Jason had no family to grieve for him, he had no mortal relatives.

His mother was alcoholic and abusive, the memories he had with her were mostly noises that frightened his younger self, such as slamming doors, bottles breaking, screaming, and he also remembered that she never treated him with love, always catching him with violence and never taking care of him.

The poison of the House of Hades had awakened memories in his brain that he was sure he did not remember even before he was kidnapped by Hera and had his memories erased. He always remembered being abandoned. He was never able to forget it, even though he was two years old when it happened, he also remembered crying as he walked through the House of Wolves, shouting the name of Thalia and his mother, but many other things he remembered because of the poison.

But he had also remembered things he preferred not to remember. Especially how his mother treated him when Thalia was away from home for school or other reasons. She was scary and younger Jason was very afraid of her, but he felt very happy and safe around his older sister, Thalia.

Thalia always took care of him, and Jason knew that she would be sad to hear about his death, but she had accepted years ago his death, she had chosen to stay with the hunters even after she met Jason again. He respected that. Thalia moved on without him, but Jason wanted to have spent more time with her, he could count the number of times they met in his hands, it was a very sad and small number.

Thalia didn't need him anymore, she never needed him, Jason was the one who needed her.

* * *

Jason realized that he had wandered again into the darkness, and that now he was a little more surface, but not completely off.

Shouldn't he be dead by now? He thought so, but then why wasn't Jason on trial in the underworld?

Jason didn't know the answer. Okay, people have never given him many answers, he's used to it, it's okay.

He wonders what his friends are doing now. The last time he checked months ago, before his journey to the maze with Piper, Nico was at camp dating Apollo's son Will.

Jason remembers being very happy when Nico said he was staying at camp. Hades' son was finally opening to him and even allowed to be hugged!

He remembers the excitement he felt as he waited for Nico to be released from the infirmary, while spending the nights waking up from nightmares about his past, his mother, the war, and Leo.

Gods, Jason missed Leo so much, he was his best friend, and he was dead. Nico did not feel the same way about Leo's death, because the two obviously did not know each other much, but Hades' son understood the pain Jason was feeling and helped him.

They talked a lot about everything. Nested each their respective blankets (Jason's was blue and Nico's was black, no surprises) and ate candy in Nico's cabin. They mostly did this sort of thing in cabin 13 because it was uncomfortable to sit at the foot of the hippie statue of Zeus, which stared at them deeply, so they would gather in Hades' son's cabin.

Jason enjoyed these conversations, he learned a lot about Nico from them, and Nico learned a lot about him. He felt comfortable near Nico and had fun every day with the other demigod in their daily activities.

Jason's routine was to wake up, get dressed, wake Nico up, drag Nico into the Dining Pavilion when the shell touches, force Nico to eat a proper meal while the two sat together at the Big Three table, pass in the infirmary to talk to Will, who seemed to be approaching Nico and was a nice guy, stroll through the strawberry fields, feed Mrs. O'Leary, drag Nico to lunch, give swords teachings to young demigods novices in the camp, drag Nico into the Dining Pavilion at dinner, force him to eat dinner, go back to Nico's cabin, chat late with the other demigod and go to sleep.

Jason kept it everyday day. Sometimes they did different things during the day, but they always had their conversations at night. Jason had already calmed Nico down from a handful of flashbacks and Nico had woken him up from nightmares many times when he ended up falling asleep in Hades' son's cabin.

They didn't talk about their flashbacks and traumas at first, but the more they got to know each other, they opened to it, and Jason felt he knew Nico better than anyone.

Eventually, Piper called him to California and Jason thought they could look for Leo there, and maybe that time together improved their relationship, which seemed to get further away with each passing day.

Also, it was around the same time that Will finally asked Nico out after long weeks with Jason talking to the Apollo's son, advising him, supporting him.

When Jason left Camp, Nico was dating Will, they seemed happy and Nico looked very funny with his face blushed when Will held his hand in public.

Nico was another person who didn't need Jason anymore. Just like Percy and Annabeth, finishing high school. Reyna, Hazel and Frank happily in the Legion and eventually Piper no longer needed him either.

Jason always did everything he could to make everyone around him happy and healthy, but when they no longer needed him, Jason walked away from them and everything was fine. Because Jason never asked for anything in return, he just wanted everyone to be happy and safe, that's what he did until he wasn't necessary anymore, so, well...

Jason took the opportunity that came with the prophecy because there was no one else for him to help, everyone he cared about was happy and had someone to support them, Jason was no longer needed. And for him, it was enough.

He let himself sink once more in the darkness, wishing that this time he would go to the right place.


End file.
